I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff. I’m learning that this entire moving process, this whole uprooting my life, this starting over business is going to take some time to get used to. It’s going to be chaotic at times. There are going to be delays. And things are going to be all over the place.
I’m such a detailed and organized person that it’s extremely difficult to function when things are out of order. My main focus has been to get my room together, to have a nice, comfortable bed to sleep on, to have all of my clothes organized and put away in my closet, and to have my pictures hung on the wall. All before orientation starts this Friday.
But what happens when I don’t have nails to hang the pictures? What happens when I don’t have a place to store all of my clothes? And what happens when only half of your bed arrives after being delayed already for four days?
I really want things to come together quickly, and that’s not how life works. One of the residents from last year told me today to give myself grace this year. She was referring to when things start to get busy with graduate school and teaching, but I think it’s fitting for me right now. I have to give myself grace. Yes, I want things in order right now. But I have to be okay with the way things are. I have to be okay with the delays. I have to just work through the process.
It won’t be the end of the world if all of my clothes aren’t put away by Friday. And it’s okay if I don’t get all of the pictures on the wall by next week. I have time. I’m not going anywhere, anytime soon. Things don’t have to be in order right away. I can still function in a little bit of chaos. In fact, I NEED to be able to function in chaos, especially planning to teach high school students. I need to be able to adjust quickly and go with whatever flow comes my way.
This is all part of the process. It’s developing me. It’s making me grow as a person. I have to learn how to handle these moments and not fly off the deep end. I have to not be ready to pack by bags and go back home just because my mattress didn’t get delivered. Thinking I made a mistake, I’m not supposed to be in Memphis, and I’m not supposed to be teacher.
I can’t sweat the small stuff. I can’t let the small stuff boil over into a massive panic. I was sad, upset and very frustrated today. But there was nothing I could do about the way things had turned out. I have to learn to keep moving. I have to learn that minor delays don’t define an entire day, an entire year, or an entire destiny. They are just that, minor delays. It’s so easy to be consumed by fear. And it’s easy to allow small stuff to prick you in just the right place to let that fear on the loose. Next time I’ll know (and there will be a next time). When things don’t come together the way I think they should, it’s okay. Keep moving. I’m still on the right track. It’s just a minor delay.